Zombie Apocalypse

By

Andrew DeMarco

I recently had to meet my wife in Manhattan regarding some personal business so I took Metro North to Grand Central and since it was a beautiful day I decided to walk up Madison Ave. to 74^th Street. While the train was pulling into Grand Central I was preparing myself to dodge, taxis, buses, pedicabs and many disgruntled motorists. Once I started my trek I realized that wasn’t the case. I didn’t have to worry about any of this but what I did find however was that I was dodging Zombies. That’s right you heard me correctly Zombies! They are all over New York, every avenue, every street and on every corner all totally mindless. These zombies also come from all walks of life as they are dressed as business men and women, blue collar workers, tourists, you name it. They are easily recognizable in that they have wires and other contraptions oozing from their ears or covering their heads. They also have what I call a mobile zombie device in one of their hands. (In a nod to technology I will use an acronym which techies love and call it a MZD)

I tried to avoid them at all cost because I was afraid if I should come into contact with one I would turn into one of them. Then it happened. At 51^st, St, and Madison Ave. a young female zombie just stopped short while using her MZD and I accidentally bumped into her. I apologized and then she hissed at me. I was about to apologize again but she just continued to hiss, so I thought I better get out of here before she accused me of groping her and report me to the #Me Too movement. One good thing I realized was I had not begun to change into one of them.

At the corner of 57^th St. while waiting for the light a woman tending to an elderly gentleman in a wheel chair was tapping away at her MZD. I thought a health care provider zombie, which proved my point that they come from all walks of life. I feared that the elderly gentleman might roll into traffic and in front of a crosstown bus but fortunately that did not happen.

A few blocks further north a gentleman in a suit and tie with a brief case in one hand and a MZD in the other turned the corner and crashed into me. He was a big man and judging by his snarl and grunting I thought that I might be devoured right then and there. After getting another snarl and some choice words thrown at me he moved on and to my relief I still had not turned into the walking dead.

I finally made it and met my wife and we conducted the business which I came down to do. We then both decided to take our chances and walk back to Grand Central, but instead of Madison Ave. we thought we would walk down 5^th Ave. While crossing 5^th Ave. to the park side we almost got struck down by a Citi Bike Zombie. A man riding a Citi Bike and texting ran the light and just missed the both of us. Where is that crosstown bus when you really need it.  But it still wasn’t over. While walking along the park a mommy zombie wheeling two children in a double stroller ran into my wife, while you guessed it using a MZD. I felt sorry for those two children who will be subjected to a life of nurturing by Zombie iPads, tablets, and X boxes.

Then my wife and I saw it. Right there on 5^th Ave. a glass temple, hive or whatever these Zombies call it stood in front of us. My wife and I peaked in and it was swarming with Zombies all moving about with mindless grins and looks of ecstasy on their faces as though they were in some Garden of Eden but alas it wasn’t. It was an Apple Store!

Fearing for our lives and also being hungry my wife and I decided to get something to eat. I thought this was a good idea and a way to escape the Zombies since everything I read about them told me that they only ate human flesh. I was surprised when we were seated next to 4 or them, two who were again tapping away and the other two had their MZDs at the ready on the table probably awaiting a call from the collective. Regarding the eating human flesh thing, well it is a myth since the four of them were chowing down on burgers and chef salads.

It was time to get out of Zombieville and we carefully made our way back to Grand Central avoiding contact with the walking dead. We boarded the train and felt some relief and made our way through the train to find a seat. Then the relief quickly faded as we realized the Zombies where headed for the suburbs. While walking through the train everyone had their heads down and were engrossed by their MZDs. Some were playing games, watching movies, texting but there was no human contact. We found seats and the two of us sat huddled together hoping that we would make it home. I was looking out the window and then it happened. I turned back and there was my wife tapping away and I thought “My God I’ve lost her.” But then she looked at me and said it was a friend and that she told him she would call him later. Realizing that my wife was not among the living dead gave me that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that Rosy Glow.  Then again, she said him would I have to worry if it was a boyfriend she was tapping away to, who cares, I survived the Zombie Apocalypse.