By

Andrew DeMarco

 

Now that we are into the Holiday Season, I thought I would be a bit lazy and just repost a Rosy Glow that I did 4 years ago. It is just a reminder as to how lucky we all are at this time of year to have family and friends. So, forgive my sloth and enjoy.

 

With the Christmas Holiday just a few days away it might be a good time to see how family and friends are important in our lives. What immediately comes to mind is that old saying, “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” This statement is very true! I look back and think of all the friends I have had over the years from my childhood to those I have now and although I may not see those old friends any longer, they were at the time a part of my life and did figure into my development as a person. Same is true for my friends now. They help me to continue to grow as a person and we are always there for one another. The same is true for family and proof of this influence is this column which was inspired by a family member.

Family on the other hand is a bit different. They are a constant and they do not come and go and change as friends do. They are always there through good or bad, and I always prefer to think of the good. I think back to the holidays when I was growing up and I would spend Christmas Eve with my DeMarco cousins and Christmas Day with the Capozzola cousins. Growing up on Ellis Ave., I had the added benefit of mingling with the Sudano cousins as well as my Aunt Anna’s clan, the Derricos. You might say I had the superfecta when it came to the holidays.  What really sticks out in my mind is how all of us enjoyed one another’s company. I can see my Grandfather Capozzola sitting in his rocker and watching all of the cousins falling over one another either playing or ripping open presents. I often wondered what was going through his mind at that time which was probably, “Am I really responsible for all of this?”  Most of all we enjoyed the good food, which seemed endless, one of the great benefits of being Italian. It didn’t matter what was going on in the world because we were with one another and nothing could bother or hurt this family. The Kennedys or Rockefellers had nothing on us except maybe a bit more money which only proves that money cannot buy happiness.

What does happen to the family is that it grows and as cousins have children and their children have children, the clan just gets bigger. The unfortunate thing about this is that our lives and priorities change. As much as I would like to see my cousins more often, I understand that they have their own families now and this is part of the circle growing, but one thing for certain is that they are still my aunts, uncles, cousins, 2^nd cousins, etc.

Like most families there will be arguments, disagreements, and disputes along with a certain amount of dysfunction and it is all due to the fact that we are human. Sometimes these disputes can cause problems within a family and cause bad feelings which sometimes are noticeable when together. Even though families do grow apart and there are disputes, the one thing I have noticed is that we always find a way to come together for one another. I know that in my case they have always been there for me.

The rare times we are all together which usually as they say are at weddings and funerals, the one thing I have noticed is that the bond that is family comes through. Whether celebrating a happy event or gathering to mourn the loss of a family member, during good times and especially bad, what I have come to learn is that it is the family that made me what I am today and it is the family that makes me and all of us strong. “Family Strong!”

Which takes me back to the not being able to pick your relatives, I like Bishop Desmond Tutu’s take on this. I am not a very religious person, but I think the good Bishop was right on when he said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

So with the Christmas Holiday here, let’s all take a step back and think of the family. If there are any small disputes, disagreements and dysfunctions, what better time of the year to mend some fences than the holidays, as this will only make the family stronger.  While we open up our presents and gather together for that great meal, take a good look at one another and realize that each of us is the best gift that we have and that Bishop Tutu was right.

Let’s make “Family Strong” our motto not just for the holidays but for every day. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends and family and may this special gift of family along with some holiday cheer give us that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

 

 

 

 

 

By

Andrew DeMarco

 

I have been noticing lately that there has been a lot of talk about how the American Dream is dead. This got me thinking about my father and his father, my Grandfather DeMarco both of whom where immigrants. From all the stories I heard about my grandfather, he had a dream to come to America and make a better life for himself and his family. In fact, he followed his dream with such determination that he made approximately 15 crossings of the Atlantic Ocean. The first time he came to America, he came to see if he should continue pursuing his dream and to see what America was like. After being here for a few years he determined that America was indeed a land of opportunity and went back to Italy to begin his pursuit of his dreams. When he returned to America, he set off to establish himself so when he brought his entire family over, he would not be indebted to anyone and all would be here legally. Once established he returned to Italy yet again and after a brief stay, he brought his oldest son my Uncle Gaetano to America and stayed with him until he was settled. He did the same with my father, making sure all was legal and once again making sure he was established. His final crossing was when he brought the remainder of the family over.

My father also had a dream. His dream was that since he had a limited amount of education, he wanted to start his own business and have a family. He also wanted to see his children graduate from college, a dream which he achieved. But before he started pursuing his dream, he served his adopted country in the armed forces during World War II becoming a citizen in what was then the territory of Alaska.

Getting back to the American Dream, my premise is, and I know this will upset some out there but please bear with me. If you notice in my tale of my grandfather and father there are a couple of key pronouns, he and his. My point is there is no American Dream. Yes, that is what I said there is no American Dream. It is the dreams, hopes and aspirations of every individual whether it is an Irishman’s dream, a German’s dream or a Korean’s Dream, you name it. America was just a means or conduit for them or anyone to attain their goals. My grandparents had relatives who chose to pursue their dreams in Brazil and for them it worked out.  In my case my family realized that America was the best place to achieve their dreams and I was fortunate that they did.

A further example is that I have friend who was born in Italy and came here when he was very young and attained his “American” dream. He has since moved back to Italy where he has pursued and has now found his “Italian” dream. Again, they were his dreams. There is that pesky pronoun again. I am sure that some of you would like to see what his Italian Dream is about so follow the link below.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OFINx-hr–4

(By the way their olive oil is incredible and their gift baskets make great Christmas gifts.)

www.villacappelli.com

A wise man once said, “You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.”  I don’t know who said it, but he was right on. Once one dream is reached it is time to move on to the next one.

I am the beneficiary of my grandparents and parent’s decision to go after their dreams here in America. Because of that I am fortunate to live in a country where going after whatever dreams I have makes it easier for me to fulfill them. I will always keep dreaming because when I achieve my dream and move on to the next one it gives me that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that… Rosy Glow!

 

 

by

Andrew DeMarco

With Thanksgiving only a few days away, we are always reminded that it is a day where we should give thanks for all we have and to realize how lucky we really are. I propose a new way to further celebrate the 4-day Thanksgiving holiday. After we stuff ourselves and have had our fill of food and family, many look forward to what is now called “Black Friday” a day where some satisfy themselves with shopping, which some may fool themselves and think that it is some form of exercise and a great way to shed some pounds that they put on the previous day, but that remains to be seen.

I propose a different way to celebrate. While you are sitting around with your family whether they are functional or dysfunctional on Thanksgiving, have a conversation and make a real list of all that you have to be thankful for and all that you think is right with the world and save it. Now I also propose to rename “Black Friday” and call it “Ungrateful” or “Unhappy Friday” so while you are waiting in line to pay for things you could have ordered on-line, make a list of all the things that make you unhappy or you feel ungrateful about. I guess if it puts you in a dark mood you can still call it Black Friday. On Saturday, you can take the two lists and do a little comparison.

I am willing to bet that the things you have to be grateful for far outweigh the things that make you unhappy. I am also pretty sure that those unhappy things are far from serious and can easily be turned into good. Here are some examples:

I am unhappy that I did not win a piece of that billion-dollar lottery a few months ago. It really made me glum, but then again had I won I am sure that all my friends and family that I am so grateful for would be calling me constantly which would stress me out. Also, having that much money would change my life and health due to additional stress. I am happy where I am at this point in my life so maybe not winning that lottery was a good thing. (Oh, who am I kidding!)

I am unhappy with the way society and politics seem to be going these days. But then I think of my elementary school days in the 60’s where we had riots in the streets, political assassinations and it looked like the world was spinning out of control. Then things changed, and I have learned that we experience ebbs and flows in politics and I am grateful that we live in a country that we are allowed to disagree and no matter how things look, judging by our history it eventually all works out.

I am unhappy that we will now be celebrating our 2^nd Thanksgiving without my Mother, Uncle Carmine, Uncle Guy and Uncle Tony. I am ungrateful that some of the younger members of my family like Cousins Louis, James, Lara, Robert and Mary Rose were taken from us too soon. I also think of all my other family members that went before them and it makes me unhappy and ungrateful that I can no longer enjoy the day’s festivities with them. But then I remember that each and every one of them touched me in some way and some more than others all had a hand in making me the person I am today, a person that I am happy with. I am sure that some of my friends will dispute that but then again that is why they are friends.

So, make those lists, do that comparison and I am sure that you will realize the things we have to be thankful for will always outnumber the ungrateful and the bad is not as bad as you may think. Another suggestion would be to save those lists and next Thanksgiving when you do it again make yet another comparison to see how things have changed, my guess, probably for the better. This I am sure will give you that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that…Rosy Glow!

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

 

By
Andrew DeMarco

 

The last few weeks has brought a large amount of insanity to the world.  The Florida bomber, the Synagogue shooting in Pittsburgh which left 11 dead and the dysfunction which continues in Washington along with all the other problems around the world reminded me of one of my favorite pictures. This picture below should be up in every home. In old Italian homes it should be right up there with Frank Sinatra and the Pope. In addition, it should be in the office of every government official and world leader, right next to the pictures of their families. It should also be displayed on a grand scale at the entrance of the United Nations.

I know right now you are saying have you lost your mind, what the heck are you talking about Andrew, what kind of picture is that. Let me explain. It is not a mistake or a double exposure, that is a picture of us. Not just me and you but rather all of us, and when I say all of us I mean it.

This is a picture taken by the Voyager I space probe which was launched by NASA in September 1977. In February 1990 as Voyager was about to leave our Solar System, the astronomer Carl Sagan requested that the cameras on Voyager be turned around and pointed towards Earth. If you look real closely at the tan stripe on the right about half way down you will see a small dot. That is us, that is earth, the third rock or rather pebble from the sun. Mr. Sagan called it “The Pale Blue Dot.” (I find it interesting that U.N. peace keepers wear pale blue helmets.)  Now understand that is earth from over 3.7 billion miles away and looking at that one might say we really don’t amount to much in the grand scheme of things and maybe we should all take a step back and think about that.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not a globalist but what we all must realize is that we all share a small piece of that pebble.  Maybe when we get a bit arrogant, selfish and righteous, we should think twice about any of our biases and hatreds and look at that dot we share. If every leader looked at that picture before he or she made any decision, maybe just maybe they will think twice and hopefully more wisely. I do know we have come a long way since that blue dot first appeared. I also know that any people or beings that have made the advancements we have and that can create the technology that can send a probe over 3 billion miles and take that picture should give us some hope.

Maybe I am too much of an optimist but one thing I am certain of is that once we realize that all of us are residents of that dot we can accomplish much more together rather than apart. We can, move towards eliminating our hatreds and biases and make that pale blue dot really shine. Keeping this picture handy might just help that cause and give us all that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that… Rosy Glow.

 

 

By

Andrew DeMarco

My last posting and my ride home on Metro-North reminded me of my time as a commuter so here is my tale. A little over 30 years ago myself and a group of friends were daily commuters into New York and in the evenings we would all catch the 5:20 train home. What made the 5:20 unique was that it had a bar car and that seemed to suit all of us just fine. Unfortunately, the 5:20 has been relegated to the dust bin of history mainly because of health concerns but mostly because of political correctness. You see the 5:20 was the most smoke and alcohol filled place to be, a rolling den of iniquity, the perfect place after a hard day’s work. It was also one of the most entertaining and fun filled 25 to 30 minutes that one can experience so much so that there were many times that the 5:20 gang would hope for a delay, so we could hang out longer.

When a friend and I were reminiscing about our commute we realized that 3 key gentlemen were no longer with us, so this is my way of remembering them.

First there was Kevin Glynn who passed away a few months ago I’ll call him the greeter/joker. Kevin worked right across from Grand Central and was usually the first to arrive. As you walked down the platform Kevin would be there with a drink in one hand (the first of a few on our 30-minute ride) and a cigarette in the other. That’s right smoking was permitted on trains back then and almost everyone smoked.  Kevin would welcome us all aboard and then he would start with his jokes. It seems that every day Kevin had a new one and he made sure that everyone heard them. By the time we got to 125^th Street 10 minutes later, everyone would have heard the joke of the day and it was time for Kevin to have another drink.

Second was Ray Hyland who passed away in October of last year. Ray stood above all those who rode the 5:20 and rightly so since he played basketball at Iona. Ray was a die-hard Yankee fan and loved to discuss or should I say argue about his favorite team. He also had a way of getting everyone involved and because of this I will call Ray the instigator. He had a knack for picking out his marks particularly Met fans and getting them started. He would get them into a frenzy and the arguments would begin and then he would just step back and watch the chaos he created. After the chaos subsided and there were no real winners or losers everyone would go the bar and have another drink and there would be Ray with the biggest cat ate the canary grin, satisfied that he had done his job.

Third was Mark Gaston who passed away a few years ago. I still haven’t figured out a name for Mark but he by far was the most unique, dedicated and determined of the 5:20 gang. This is all due to the fact that Mark technically should not have taken the 5:20 train. Mark lived in White Plains and should have been taking the Harlem line of Metro-North but it doesn’t end there. Mark would drive to the Mamaroneck Station every morning and hop on the New Haven Line which is the line that the 5:20 runs on. In the evening he would meet us on the 5:20 and take it to New Rochelle which was the final stop. Now here is the best part. He would get off in New Rochelle and wait for the next train to Mamaroneck which was 2 stops past New Rochelle. All this not to miss the fun and entertainment of the 5:20.

So, when I think of the good times that were had on the 5:20 and I remember these 3 gentlemen, it gives me a good feeling one that Cousin Bob would call that Rosy Glow.