By

Andrew DeMarco

Handkerchiefs! I am sure that most of you who have read some of my previous Rosy Glows are wondering how a handkerchief can provide a Rosy Glow? Well believe it or not they can and just give me some time and you will see. When I think of a handkerchief I think of my father and any time I think of him it usually gives me that rosy glow. It was my father who taught me to carry a handkerchief at all times and also how to use it in a gentlemanly way whether blowing ones nose or providing it to others in times of need. Because of this over the years I have lost many handkerchiefs. I usually lost them at weddings or funerals; I gave them to those who were crying either out of sadness or joy. There were other times where I provided my handkerchief that I remember, all providing those glow moments.

The first of these moments that I recall was well over 30 years ago at of all things Iona College’s Founders Day celebration. I was there with my friends who were all alumni, among them Nancy Vaccaro who brought along her little niece Tara Delany who was about 2 or 3 years old at that time. Tara spilled juice on herself and it fell to the sidewalk. I took my handkerchief and began to clean her hands. Tara then took it from me and being the tidy little thing that she was began to mop up the sidewalk with my handkerchief.  One lost handkerchief but also a great memory which Nancy and I recently discussed (by the way, Happy Birthday Nancy). Tara is now married with 2 children and a third on the way.

Over the years I have lost my share of handkerchiefs to Coach Belle Koclanes, beginning with her final game in high school, which was very emotional for her. I lost another to her after her final game in college when she was a mess again. To this day I have not gotten them back, and Coach claims to have them and keeps them as a memento that I was always there for her.

I have indirectly lost another because of Coach Belle. That was last year at the Dartmouth end of Season Awards when Senior Captain Nicola Zimmer got all emotional and was in need of a handkerchief and guess who supplied it. I recently saw Nicola at a Dartmouth vs. Columbia game here in New York and she came up to me to tell me that she is taking good care of my handkerchief and it too is in her scrap book.

This lead Coach Belle and I to start a new tradition, the awarding of the “Uncle Andy Hanky” presented to the most emotional, weepiest in need of a hanky at the annual awards luncheon. This year I was unable to attend so I donated a handkerchief. Coach Belle informed me that it was awarded to one of her assistant coaches Maria Noucas and her father Jim who is a Dartmouth alum, who both lost it during the ceremony. Now I don’t know how Coach Belle handled it, if she was Solomon like or arranged for joint custody, but this was a first for one of my hankies.

Finally there is the handkerchief which I lost but was returned by Nanette Hill. Nanette is the daughter of my college classmates Bill and Nan Hill. Nanette is a golfer who won numerous awards while at Pelham High School. While still in high school Nanette received a sponsor’s exemption to play, as an amateur in the LPGA Sybase Classic at Wykagyl Country Club just down the road from here in New Rochelle.

During the first two rounds Nanette had a large gallery following her since she was a local, but unfortunately she did not make the cut. Afterwards she was quite emotional feeling that she had let us all down, so I gave her my handkerchief. After she calmed down she spoke with all her fans from Pelham who turned out to support her. Later that day she came back to me and wanted to give me back my handkerchief.  As this never happened before, I initially did not know what to do. After some thought I asked her to autograph it because as I said to her, “There is no doubt in my mind that you will make it one day.” (See the picture at the top of this Glow) She gave me one of those “really “ looks and autographed my handkerchief. I like to think that this handkerchief provided her with some inspiration.

Nanette went on to play at Wake Forest where she had an excellent college career and played in the U.S. Women’s Amateur. Upon graduation she joined the Q-school circuit in an attempt to play in the LPGA. She was doing fine when injuries occurred and set her back. But like her father who was a pitcher at Fordham and later in the Expo organization she has the heart of a lion. She endured numerous surgeries, rehab and persevered and just last month Nanette got her LPGA card and will be on the tour this year. She hopes to play in at least 20 LPGA events and hopefully she will be playing in the KPMG Woman’s PGA Championship at Westchester Country Club in June when the Town of Pelham can turn out again to support her. I know I will be there with a handkerchief just in case.

So there you have it, through good times or bad, moments of joy or sadness, a simple piece of cloth can help to create and bring back memories, create traditions as with Coach Belle or maybe even inspire. No matter which I know that all those handkerchiefs and the stories attached to them give me that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that…..Rosy Glow.

By

Bob LaTorre

Here is one of Cousin Bob’s Rosy Glows from 25 years ago.

On many occasions in this column and in my public speaking, I have said, “The United States of America is the freest nation in the world. Needless to say I am not the only one to have ever uttered those words. But no matter how many times I read them hear them or speak them, I still find that many Americans still doubt the truth of the statement.

To some extent, this attitude on the part of some of us is the result of having been born into and lived with this freedom all of our lives. Sadly, many other Americans simply do not believe it. Their disbelief is to a large extent the result of hearing and seeing the skeptical attitude of members of the media, the entertainment industry, and the educational system.

Each of these institutions is obsessed by what they believe is their divine mission to insure ”Fairness”. Many members of these professions feel that using the superlative in anything, especially when referring to the United States, is somehow unfair.  The argument goes something like this “How can you say that this country is, the greatest, the best, the wealthiest, or the freest? Just look and at his point they describe in detail some failing which has occurred in the nation’s history. How can we be great, look at what we did to the Indians, (excuse me, Native Americans). How can you say that we are the best when the Duchy of Fizlandia has a lower death rate among people over six feet tall? How can you say we are the richest when the per capita income in Saudi Arabia is nearly twice as much as ours? The fact that nobody works in that country, and that the income is from oil, and that the actual distribution of that income is mainly to the sheik and his family, is not important to the fairness group.

How can you say we are the freest nation in the world?

Well let’s take a look at that question. To begin with, consider this fact. Of all the jury trials which take place in the world, ninety percent of them are held here in the good old U.S.A. and that’s a fact, Jack.

But to make the point a bit closer to home consider this, in all of your conversations, reading talk show listening, and in your own remarks about life today isn’t it interesting that the statement which we hear most often is, the police, the judges, the prisons and the entire judicial system is too soft on criminals.

Think about that, in most of the world people are screaming for justice and in this country we are concerned about not dealing harshly enough with robbers, and dope dealers.  In most other countries people seek to insure humane treatment for prisoners and here we are concerned because we are too soft on prisoners.

The truth is that almost all of our current social problems, dope, homeless, single parent homes, school drop-outs, economic under class, teen pregnancy, and unemployment could all be wiped out in thirty days if only we were willing to give up a little freedom for each problem.

Those are precisely the choices which the founding fathers were confronted with. Does anyone seriously believe that the same or similar problems did not exist in colonial times, are we naïve enough to think that somehow Americans in 1776 were some perfect group of people with no thieves, murderers, dope takers, and wife beaters.

Let me assure you that when the Constitution was written and the body of English Common Criminal Law was adopted as our own, the very same problems did indeed exist.

The founders decided in their infinite wisdom, that they were more willing to accept the weaknesses of a free society that the failures of one which was less free. They knew the difference because they had all grown up in tyranny.

When we look around and see some of these problems we should learn to recognize that often they are the direct measure of our personal freedom. To those who still wish for the changes which will bring about greater privilege, I refer you to the words of President Eisenhower who said “People who place privileges above principals, soon lose both.”

There is no doubt that our system, like any system, can be improved. But let’s never forget that it is currently the freest system on earth and when we go to fix it we stand a great risk of changing that too.

Meanwhile, the next time you hear or read that we are the freest people on earth, believe it and let the words fill you with a well-deserved….Rosy Glow.

 

By

Andrew DeMarco

 

With Thanksgiving, the first of the family gatherings for the holidays behind us it is a good time to think of the Christmas Holidays and how family and friends are important in our lives. What immediately comes to mind is that old saying, “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” This statement is very true! I look back and think of all the friends I have had over the years from my childhood to those I have now and although I may not see those old friends any longer, they were at the time a part of my life and did figure into my development as a person. Same is true for my friends now. They help me to continue to grow as a person and we are always there for one another. The same is true for family and proof of this influence is this column which was inspired by a family member.

Family on the other hand is a bit different. They are a constant and they do not come and go and change as friends do. They are always there through good or bad, and I always prefer to think of the good. I think back to the holidays when I was growing up and I would spend Christmas Eve with my DeMarco cousins and Christmas Day with the Capozzola cousins. Growing up on Ellis Ave., I had the added benefit of mingling with the Sudano cousins as well as my Aunt Anna’s clan, the Derricos. You might say I had the superfecta when it came to the holidays.  What really sticks out in my mind is how all of us enjoyed one another’s company. I can see my Grandfather Capozzola sitting in his rocker and watching all of the cousins falling over one another either playing or ripping open presents. I often wondered what was going through his mind at that time which was probably, “Am I really responsible for all of this?”  Most of all we enjoyed the good food, which seemed endless, one of the great benefits of being Italian. It didn’t matter what was going on in the world because we were with one another and nothing could bother or hurt this family. The Kennedys or Rockefellers had nothing on us except maybe a bit more money which only proves that money cannot buy happiness.

What does happen to the family is that it grows and as cousins have children and their children have children, the clan just gets bigger. The unfortunate thing about this is that our lives and priorities change. As much as I would like to see my cousins more often, I understand that they have their own families now and this is part of the circle growing, but one thing for certain is that they are still my aunts, uncles, cousins, 2^nd cousins, etc.

Like most families there will be arguments, disagreements, and disputes along with a certain amount of dysfunction and it is all due to the fact that we are human. Sometimes these disputes can cause problems within a family and cause bad feelings which sometimes are noticeable when together. Even though families do grow apart and there are disputes, the one thing I have noticed is that we always find a way to come together for one another. I know that in my case they have always been there for me.

The rare times we are all together which usually as they say are at weddings and funerals, the one thing I have noticed is that the bond that is family comes through. Whether celebrating a happy event or gathering to mourn the loss of a family member, during good times and especially bad, what I have come to learn is that it is the family that made me what I am today and it is the family that makes me and all of us strong. “Family Strong!”

Which takes me back to the not being able to pick your relatives, I like Bishop Desmond Tutu’s take on this. I am not a very religious person, but I think the good Bishop was right on when he said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

So with the Christmas Holiday here, let’s all take a step back and think of the family. If there are any small disputes, disagreements and dysfunctions, what better time of the year to mend some fences than the holidays, as this will only make the family stronger.  While we open up our presents and gather together for that great meal, take a good look at one another and realize that each of us is the best gift that we have and that Bishop Tutu was right.

Let’s make “Family Strong” our motto not just for the holidays but for every day. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends and family and may this special gift of family along with some holiday cheer give us that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.

 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

By

Andrew DeMarco

 

While planning our October trip which would include a visit to Uncle Cappy, my wife suggested I contact an old classmate. So after numerous emails went unanswered, she then suggested I make a phone call. My thoughts were, I never received a reply to my original emails why would this classmate take my call, but then again nothing ventured nothing gained, so I called The Supreme Court. I explained to the operator that I was an old acquaintance of Justice Sonia Sotomayor and I would be in the Washington area in a few weeks. I was transferred to her chambers and spoke with an intern named Kevin Frazier. He asked me, get this, to email him with all the particulars on how I knew the Justice, and he would make sure she gets it.

Since this is what I had been doing all along I thought, why would she read it now, but again my wife insisted so I did it. I wrote about going to grammar school together and how we kept in touch through high school since she went to Cardinal Spellman with Cousin Marian. I also included a copy of our class picture from Blessed Sacrament. Three hours later we had an appointment to meet with her two weeks later while we were in Washington.

On the day of our appointment we arrived at The Supreme Court and after clearing security and brought to the Marshall’s Office we were greeted by Kevin, who I had spoken with, a nice young man from Oregon who was interning for one year before going back to finish school. He escorted us to Justice Sotomayor’s chambers and gave us a tour. We were introduced to just about everyone on her staff from secretaries, interns and clerks who were all interested in how I knew her and what she was like when she was young. So I gave them all a brief rundown on the Justice and I asked what she was like to work for. Not surprisingly they all spoke glowingly of the Justice.

We were then brought into Justice Sotomayor’s office where she came bounding out from behind her desk and greeted us both with a hug. I then said, “Justice Sotomayor I would like to introduce you to my wife Teresa.” With that I got a look that said are you kidding, not about my wife but calling her Justice Sotomayor and she replied, “Please to meet you and to you I am and always will be Sonia.”  She did go on to say that if we were to ever run into her in her judicial robes she would appreciate it if we called her Justice Sotomayor, to which I replied, “No problem Sonia.”

So we sat and she instantly started to cross examine my wife on how we met, how long we have been together and what she does and what I was like, since it had been some time since we saw one another. This sort of tipped me off that she knew who I was but was not quite sure and was trying to get more info.

She finally turned to me and I said, “So Sonia what have you been up to,” which got a booming laugh. We started to talk about Blessed Sacrament and I could still sense that she was still trying to place me. I then mentioned that Mrs. Capozzola (Aunt Anna) was my aunt and her second grade teacher, and then the spark of recognition struck her. She then said “I remember you! You were the ———-.” (Modesty prevents me from finishing what she said and my wife can fill in the blanks.) This is when the conversation seemed to really take off and the names of old classmates came out and reminiscences started to roll.

Sonia then told me a story about Aunt Anna. It seems that Aunt Anna was her teacher when she was diagnosed with diabetes and she was missing quite a bit of school. She related how Aunt Anna would stay with her after school and help her catch up on things, in particular her confusion with the homonyms there, their, wear, where and others. Sonia remembered how genuinely helpful and concerned she was. When I told this to Uncle Cappy it brought a tear to his eye as well as a huge smile.

In her book, Sonia mentions that it was at Blessed Sacrament where she developed a lust for learning and gold stars. I then mentioned that I too got my share of gold stars and then presented her with a package of them which she placed in a prominent spot on her desk, and said, “To remind me to keep striving for gold stars and maybe during a tough case I will bring them to the bench.”  We talked about her book which she offered to autograph, but I did not have with me. I then explained that anyone could get an autograph copy of her book, which they were selling in the gift shop, but I had something else for her to sign.

Now this is something no 60 year old would have unless he or she has an Italian mother and that is a grammar school report card with all the gold stars. When I asked Sonia for a Supreme Certification of my gold stars, she more than obliged. She got a good laugh and admitted that I got as many as she did and also found it amazing that my mother saved them. The sentiment she wrote is again something that modesty will not allow me to repeat.

Our conversation then moved more to the present and I asked her what it was like being nominated and going through the whole process. Sonia told us that it was all a blur, from her nomination, the Senate hearings up to her swearing in. It did not really hit her until her first day on the bench. There is a tradition started in 1972 at the Supreme Court that new justices on their first day sit in the chair that was used by Justice John Marshall. Although he was not the first Chief Justice, he was probably the most influential in giving the Court its direction in its early years.  It was when Sonia sat in his chair on her first day, that she said it really hit her.

Then just as soon as it began, our time with Sonia was over as her secretary came in to remind her of her appointments. We took a picture together which we were asked not to post on any sites but could send to family and friends and said our goodbyes.

Sonia then arranged for a behind the scenes tour of The Court, where we went to areas that are off limits to regular tours. This tour was given by yet another intern Jordan Rudner from Texas and her knowledge of the court was amazing for such a young person. Afterwards others in the regular tour asked us who we knew to be able to get such a tour.

Before we left we had an opportunity to speak with people who work at the Court from tour guides, guards, gift shop people and others who all spoke so highly of Sonia. They all related how she does so much with school groups and is the most accessible of all the Justices.

As we left, my wife and I took a step back to think about our visit and the one thing that came through is that this woman who I have known since we were 6 years old, is a true role model. Her success and accomplishments while dealing with diabetes her whole life tell an even better story. And although I had not seen her in years her warmth and real sincerity about seeing one another again certainly came through. I know those of you who know me may be questioning my modesty, but this visit brought out that modesty and gave both my wife and I that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.

By

Andrew DeMarco

Veteran’s Day, originally known as Armistice Day, was meant as a celebration of the end of World War I the “War to end all Wars.” Unfortunately it did not turn out that way and now has become a celebration in honor of all those who have served our country. There is one thing that I have noticed and that is that the older I get the more I appreciate the sacrifice that all veterans have made. When I was younger it was another day off from school and the true meaning of this day was lost. Even while in college and the Viet Nam war was winding down, I had a lackadaisical attitude towards this day.

I guess my attitude towards Veteran’s Day began to change as my father and uncles, members of the greatest generation, began to get older and I really started to realize the sacrifices that these men made. I also began to listen to my older cousins and friends who served in Viet Nam and although most came back whole, they all seemed to have lost something as a result of their service.

Last year, at this time, while visiting the oldest vet in our family, Uncle Cappy, I wrote about an incident that occurred at the World War II memorial in Washington which moved my wife and I. This year while visiting with Uncle Cappy again, we had the opportunity to visit the new “American Veterans Disabled for Life Memorial.” This memorial is a bit off the beaten path as compared to the other war memorials in D.C. It is located south of the Capital and across the street from the rear of the Washington Botanical Gardens. It is a simple triangle made up of a granite wall with quotes by Presidents Washington and Eisenhower, a reflecting pool of a shooting star with an eternal flame and a wall of frosted glass etched with pictures and quotes from disabled vets and their families.

There were two quotes in particular which I feel are a good beginning for all of us to spread the word to the younger generation so they do not become older before they appreciate our veterans as I do now. The first is a quote by General Washington and makes up part of the granite side of the triangle:

 “Before I conclude the subject of public justice, I cannot omit to mention the obligations this country is under to that meritorious class of veteran, non-commissioned officers and privates who have been discharged for inability…Nothing could be more melancholy and distress sight than to behold those who have shed their blood or lost their limbs in the service of their country.”

The second quote is etched on the glass portion of the memorial and is obviously by one of the spouses of a disabled vet.

“I loved him for who he was in his heart and he still had that. And I loved him for what he had in his mind and he still had that.”

So what are our obligations to our disabled veterans as General Washington mentioned? To care for them in a dignified and efficient manner, to remember and honor them for their sacrifices, not just on Veteran’s Day but always in order to make sure, that younger generations learn earlier in life than I did. And the second quote speaks for itself. We have to remember it was that heart and mind that led these veterans to make the ultimate sacrifice which should never be forgotten no matter what their disabilities are.

Finally to all of my friends and family who have served this great nation let me wish you a very Happy Veteran’s Day! Please know that I appreciate all you have done for us and this great country of ours. That feeling of appreciation is that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that…..Rosy Glow.