Rosy Glow – Holidays and Family

By

Andrew DeMarco

With Thanksgiving, the first of the family gatherings for the holidays behind us it is a good time to think of the Christmas Holidays and how family and friends are important in our lives. What immediately comes to mind is that old saying, “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” This statement is very true! I look back and think of all the friends I have had over the years from my childhood to those I have now and although I may not see those old friends any longer, they were at the time a part of my life and did figure into my development as a person. Same is true for my friends now. They help me to continue to grow as a person and we are always there for one another. The same is true for family and proof of this influence is this column which was inspired by a family member.

Family on the other hand is a bit different. They are a constant and they do not come and go and change as friends do. They are always there through good or bad, and I always prefer to think of the good. I think back to the holidays when I was growing up and I would spend Christmas Eve with my DeMarco cousins and Christmas Day with the Capozzola cousins. Growing up on Ellis Ave., I had the added benefit of mingling with the Sudano cousins as well as my Aunt Anna’s clan, the Derricos. You might say I had the superfecta when it came to the holidays.  What really sticks out in my mind is how all of us enjoyed one another’s company. I can see my Grandfather Capozzola sitting in his rocker and watching all of the cousins falling over one another either playing or ripping open presents. I often wondered what was going through his mind at that time which was probably, “Am I really responsible for all of this?”  Most of all we enjoyed the good food, which seemed endless, one of the great benefits of being Italian. It didn’t matter what was going on in the world because we were with one another and nothing could bother or hurt this family. The Kennedys or Rockefellers had nothing on us except maybe a bit more money which only proves that money cannot buy happiness.

What does happen to the family is that it grows and as cousins have children and their children have children, the clan just gets bigger. The unfortunate thing about this is that our lives and priorities change. As much as I would like to see my cousins more often, I understand that they have their own families now and this is part of the circle growing, but one thing for certain is that they are still my aunts, uncles, cousins, 2^nd cousins, etc.

Like most families there will be arguments, disagreements, and disputes along with a certain amount of dysfunction and it is all due to the fact that we are human. Sometimes these disputes can cause problems within a family and cause bad feelings which sometimes are noticeable when together. Even though families do grow apart and there are disputes, the one thing I have noticed is that we always find a way to come together for one another. I know that in my case they have always been there for me.

The rare times we are all together which usually as they say are at weddings and funerals, the one thing I have noticed is that the bond that is family comes through. Whether celebrating a happy event or gathering to mourn the loss of a family member, during good times and especially bad, what I have come to learn is that it is the family that made me what I am today and it is the family that makes me and all of us strong. “Family Strong!”

Which takes me back to the not being able to pick your relatives, I like Bishop Desmond Tutu’s take on this. I am not a very religious person, but I think the good Bishop was right on when he said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

So with the Christmas Holiday here, let’s all take a step back and think of the family. If there are any small disputes, disagreements and dysfunctions, what better time of the year to mend some fences than the holidays, as this will only make the family stronger.  While we open up our presents and gather together for that great meal, take a good look at one another and realize that each of us is the best gift that we have and that Bishop Tutu was right.

Let’s make “Family Strong” our motto not just for the holidays but for every day. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends and family and may this special gift of family along with some holiday cheer give us that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.

 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!