By

Andrew DeMarco

 

With Thanksgiving, the first of the family gatherings for the holidays behind us it is a good time to think of the Christmas Holidays and how family and friends are important in our lives. What immediately comes to mind is that old saying, “you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family.” This statement is very true! I look back and think of all the friends I have had over the years from my childhood to those I have now and although I may not see those old friends any longer, they were at the time a part of my life and did figure into my development as a person. Same is true for my friends now. They help me to continue to grow as a person and we are always there for one another. The same is true for family and proof of this influence is this column which was inspired by a family member.

Family on the other hand is a bit different. They are a constant and they do not come and go and change as friends do. They are always there through good or bad, and I always prefer to think of the good. I think back to the holidays when I was growing up and I would spend Christmas Eve with my DeMarco cousins and Christmas Day with the Capozzola cousins. Growing up on Ellis Ave., I had the added benefit of mingling with the Sudano cousins as well as my Aunt Anna’s clan, the Derricos. You might say I had the superfecta when it came to the holidays.  What really sticks out in my mind is how all of us enjoyed one another’s company. I can see my Grandfather Capozzola sitting in his rocker and watching all of the cousins falling over one another either playing or ripping open presents. I often wondered what was going through his mind at that time which was probably, “Am I really responsible for all of this?”  Most of all we enjoyed the good food, which seemed endless, one of the great benefits of being Italian. It didn’t matter what was going on in the world because we were with one another and nothing could bother or hurt this family. The Kennedys or Rockefellers had nothing on us except maybe a bit more money which only proves that money cannot buy happiness.

What does happen to the family is that it grows and as cousins have children and their children have children, the clan just gets bigger. The unfortunate thing about this is that our lives and priorities change. As much as I would like to see my cousins more often, I understand that they have their own families now and this is part of the circle growing, but one thing for certain is that they are still my aunts, uncles, cousins, 2^nd cousins, etc.

Like most families there will be arguments, disagreements, and disputes along with a certain amount of dysfunction and it is all due to the fact that we are human. Sometimes these disputes can cause problems within a family and cause bad feelings which sometimes are noticeable when together. Even though families do grow apart and there are disputes, the one thing I have noticed is that we always find a way to come together for one another. I know that in my case they have always been there for me.

The rare times we are all together which usually as they say are at weddings and funerals, the one thing I have noticed is that the bond that is family comes through. Whether celebrating a happy event or gathering to mourn the loss of a family member, during good times and especially bad, what I have come to learn is that it is the family that made me what I am today and it is the family that makes me and all of us strong. “Family Strong!”

Which takes me back to the not being able to pick your relatives, I like Bishop Desmond Tutu’s take on this. I am not a very religious person, but I think the good Bishop was right on when he said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

So with the Christmas Holiday here, let’s all take a step back and think of the family. If there are any small disputes, disagreements and dysfunctions, what better time of the year to mend some fences than the holidays, as this will only make the family stronger.  While we open up our presents and gather together for that great meal, take a good look at one another and realize that each of us is the best gift that we have and that Bishop Tutu was right.

Let’s make “Family Strong” our motto not just for the holidays but for every day. So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends and family and may this special gift of family along with some holiday cheer give us that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.

 MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR!

By

Andrew DeMarco

 

While planning our October trip which would include a visit to Uncle Cappy, my wife suggested I contact an old classmate. So after numerous emails went unanswered, she then suggested I make a phone call. My thoughts were, I never received a reply to my original emails why would this classmate take my call, but then again nothing ventured nothing gained, so I called The Supreme Court. I explained to the operator that I was an old acquaintance of Justice Sonia Sotomayor and I would be in the Washington area in a few weeks. I was transferred to her chambers and spoke with an intern named Kevin Frazier. He asked me, get this, to email him with all the particulars on how I knew the Justice, and he would make sure she gets it.

Since this is what I had been doing all along I thought, why would she read it now, but again my wife insisted so I did it. I wrote about going to grammar school together and how we kept in touch through high school since she went to Cardinal Spellman with Cousin Marian. I also included a copy of our class picture from Blessed Sacrament. Three hours later we had an appointment to meet with her two weeks later while we were in Washington.

On the day of our appointment we arrived at The Supreme Court and after clearing security and brought to the Marshall’s Office we were greeted by Kevin, who I had spoken with, a nice young man from Oregon who was interning for one year before going back to finish school. He escorted us to Justice Sotomayor’s chambers and gave us a tour. We were introduced to just about everyone on her staff from secretaries, interns and clerks who were all interested in how I knew her and what she was like when she was young. So I gave them all a brief rundown on the Justice and I asked what she was like to work for. Not surprisingly they all spoke glowingly of the Justice.

We were then brought into Justice Sotomayor’s office where she came bounding out from behind her desk and greeted us both with a hug. I then said, “Justice Sotomayor I would like to introduce you to my wife Teresa.” With that I got a look that said are you kidding, not about my wife but calling her Justice Sotomayor and she replied, “Please to meet you and to you I am and always will be Sonia.”  She did go on to say that if we were to ever run into her in her judicial robes she would appreciate it if we called her Justice Sotomayor, to which I replied, “No problem Sonia.”

So we sat and she instantly started to cross examine my wife on how we met, how long we have been together and what she does and what I was like, since it had been some time since we saw one another. This sort of tipped me off that she knew who I was but was not quite sure and was trying to get more info.

She finally turned to me and I said, “So Sonia what have you been up to,” which got a booming laugh. We started to talk about Blessed Sacrament and I could still sense that she was still trying to place me. I then mentioned that Mrs. Capozzola (Aunt Anna) was my aunt and her second grade teacher, and then the spark of recognition struck her. She then said “I remember you! You were the ———-.” (Modesty prevents me from finishing what she said and my wife can fill in the blanks.) This is when the conversation seemed to really take off and the names of old classmates came out and reminiscences started to roll.

Sonia then told me a story about Aunt Anna. It seems that Aunt Anna was her teacher when she was diagnosed with diabetes and she was missing quite a bit of school. She related how Aunt Anna would stay with her after school and help her catch up on things, in particular her confusion with the homonyms there, their, wear, where and others. Sonia remembered how genuinely helpful and concerned she was. When I told this to Uncle Cappy it brought a tear to his eye as well as a huge smile.

In her book, Sonia mentions that it was at Blessed Sacrament where she developed a lust for learning and gold stars. I then mentioned that I too got my share of gold stars and then presented her with a package of them which she placed in a prominent spot on her desk, and said, “To remind me to keep striving for gold stars and maybe during a tough case I will bring them to the bench.”  We talked about her book which she offered to autograph, but I did not have with me. I then explained that anyone could get an autograph copy of her book, which they were selling in the gift shop, but I had something else for her to sign.

Now this is something no 60 year old would have unless he or she has an Italian mother and that is a grammar school report card with all the gold stars. When I asked Sonia for a Supreme Certification of my gold stars, she more than obliged. She got a good laugh and admitted that I got as many as she did and also found it amazing that my mother saved them. The sentiment she wrote is again something that modesty will not allow me to repeat.

Our conversation then moved more to the present and I asked her what it was like being nominated and going through the whole process. Sonia told us that it was all a blur, from her nomination, the Senate hearings up to her swearing in. It did not really hit her until her first day on the bench. There is a tradition started in 1972 at the Supreme Court that new justices on their first day sit in the chair that was used by Justice John Marshall. Although he was not the first Chief Justice, he was probably the most influential in giving the Court its direction in its early years.  It was when Sonia sat in his chair on her first day, that she said it really hit her.

Then just as soon as it began, our time with Sonia was over as her secretary came in to remind her of her appointments. We took a picture together which we were asked not to post on any sites but could send to family and friends and said our goodbyes.

Sonia then arranged for a behind the scenes tour of The Court, where we went to areas that are off limits to regular tours. This tour was given by yet another intern Jordan Rudner from Texas and her knowledge of the court was amazing for such a young person. Afterwards others in the regular tour asked us who we knew to be able to get such a tour.

Before we left we had an opportunity to speak with people who work at the Court from tour guides, guards, gift shop people and others who all spoke so highly of Sonia. They all related how she does so much with school groups and is the most accessible of all the Justices.

As we left, my wife and I took a step back to think about our visit and the one thing that came through is that this woman who I have known since we were 6 years old, is a true role model. Her success and accomplishments while dealing with diabetes her whole life tell an even better story. And although I had not seen her in years her warmth and real sincerity about seeing one another again certainly came through. I know those of you who know me may be questioning my modesty, but this visit brought out that modesty and gave both my wife and I that feeling that Cousin Bob would call that ….. Rosy Glow.